May 21st, 2007

I am not one to keep secrets and am dying to spill this one. How do I sit here at work and not tell anyone that I have a shrimpy growing in me? I want to shout out - I AM GOING TO BE A MOMMY! Excitement is finally starting to creep through.

I was supposed to start my period on Mother's Day. How appropriate. I was convinced that I was a few days late. Then my boobs felt like someone tied a 50 lbs weight to each one and another mommy friend had told me how she had this problem. Every time I went to the bathroom, I checked... no period. Each time I would look in the mirror and think, I can't be pregnant. Finally 9 days later, I took a test. Invalid. How the hell is the test invalid?!?! I had no more to give to the next strip. I was saving it up for that test. After dinner I decided it was time for round 2. I keep busy in the bathroom and didn't want to look at that test until 3 minutes had passed. There is was.... A plus sign. I started to cry.

How can this happen? Not now. We want this, but not now. We are on our way to fixing our finances. Then we were going to move. I just accepted a new job!

I came out of the bathroom crying and he looked at me and asked what the problem was. Now I should have known better then to do this right before the season finale of Hero's was on. But I couldn't wait any longer. I showed him. He looks at me like I handed him some old ancient scroll. Yes, that is a pregnancy test and yes that says positive. He asked why I was crying. I didn't know. Scared, confused, excited just a whole mix of emotions. Then he looked at the TV and said he would deal with it at commercial. Now you might think how insensitive. But this is one thing I get.... My TV shows are important. That must sound ridiculous when I am telling him we are having a baby. But I get it.

I just stare at the screen. I cant even take in what I am watching. Maybe the test is wrong. Maybe I AM just late. I start crying again. He hugs me and I ask if he is mad. I know this wasn't the plan. At least not yet. He said he is not mad. He said when a few of his friends got pregnant, they had the same reactions. It's not like we were trying.

I wasn't satisfied with that test so I ran out to Walgreen's at 10pm and did another one. This one was even clearer. Plus sign loud and clear. We hugged and kissed and laughed about what horrible parents we are going to be. We have no clue what we are in for.